The Idiot's (Not Quite) Victory
by Ruler of Destiny
Summary: Or, students are (non-fatally) hurt, Jun almost has her day, Hitsugi has her fun, and Shizuku and Sae do not get any peace. (No Tatewaki was injured during the writing of this fic. Much.)


Instincts. A warrior's best friend. Their most reliable ally. The one thing in the world that would never lie to them. Gut instinct. Animal instinct. Call it whatever you wanted.

Right now, her survival instincts were shouting at her to find shelter and hunker down, 'cause things were about to get insane even by Tenchi standards. They were _trying to_, anyway, because ignoring Loser Kiji was taking up most of her concentration, a damned difficult thing to do when the girl was so _noisy_.

She did, however, have some attention to spare for what was maybe the strangest standoff she'd ever seen. Kurogane, the shorty former S-rank, and the crazy foreigner Insoo or something had halted the traffic near the cafeteria counter. One quick glance determined the root of the problem. There was only one steak left.

One prize, three competitors.

Students who tried to grumble at the hold up silenced themselves as the tension in the atmosphere abruptly changed.

Kurogane narrowed her eyes.

The shorty grit her teeth.

Insoo-something hunkered down slightly.

There was a breathless moment where the entire cafeteria quieted down.

And then they leapt.

Some offended person's scream echoed distantly while Momoka's world rushed by, her head exploding with pain before she blacked out.

_~M~_

"Ow! Are you insane, Michi?! What was that for?" Kiji curled up underneath the table where she had been dragged by her partner, nursing a lump on her head.

"Momoka-san!" Isuzu, having been spared the indignity of being pulled down, fluttered over her temporarily KO'd partner as best she could in the limited space.

"...Oooow. My head."

"Whoops! Sorry. I had a feeling it would be safer for us down here." Michi smiled brightly at her confused friends. She hadn't _meant _to give Momoka a possible concussion, but she was sure the girl would be fine. She had a hard head after all.

"Safer? From what?" Her partner scowled, too angry to notice that they were still holding hands. Really, Kiji could be so oblivious sometimes.

She was spared from having to explain the obvious by an apple bouncing under their table with so much force that it splattered half a second after making contact with the ground. Apple remains showered over them, startling the half-conscious Momoka.

Isuzu and Kiji blinked, the former charmingly innocent, the latter adorably confused.

Michi continued to smile.

"Oh."

_So oblivious_.

_~J~_

Oh, but the gods had smiled on her today! She had almost lost faith, had begun to give up on making this day worth it, but here and now she had been granted a boon. It made up for everything. Stepping on a stray game controller, Yuho ignoring her calls, Ayana being in a bad mood, that slip during training that all but put her arm out of commision, Kuro latching onto her before she could spy on the track team changing, and then getting nailed in the head by a stray fruit in the massive food fight (and many more unrecognizable foods).

She had been more than ready to escape out of there, more than ready to call it quits on the day, but then one stray comment caught her undivided attention.

"Ewwwwwww. We're gonna need like, the longest bath ever to get this off!"

With that sort of motivation, who could blame her for jumping into the middle of the food fight with all her strength, glory, and ability? She had ducked, dodged, and attacked ferociously. Her only goal was to get every girl within sight as dirty as possible. She spared no one, showed no mercy.

Mashed potatoes were easily the best weapon, but ripped cartons of chocolate milk were also thrown with abandon, and at some point pies had been introduced to the mix. The only thing that now mattered was blotting out every black uniform in sight, painting that dark canvas with the glorious white, brown, and green (she tried not to think about that last one) streaks of hope and light. Like gifts from the heavens themselves, they would lead her to a hot, wet paradise.

And now. _Now _she could collect her prize.

She could hear muted voices beneath the air vent panels, urging her to take a peak as a siren lured sailors to the ocean depths. She resisted, barely. As tempting as the changing rooms were, today she had her sights set on an even _greater _realm.

The baths themselves.

All of her previous training (snooping) paid off, and the target area was located in record time. With all the fuss about the food fight, she didn't even have to worry about being heard. The heat from the steam warmed her hands and knees, and the giggling below warmed _other_ parts of her.

Pausing for a second to wipe the drool from her mouth, she searched for the panel that would be her salvation. That particular panel, and several others strategically located around the school, was the product of many hours spent working it into a precarious, but easily maneuverable state. So long as she didn't place too much weight on it, she could push any edge down and have herself a perfect viewing of the paradise below.

She did so now, and saw….steam. Undeterred, she waited it out and was rewarded with a first hazy glance of skin. Excited, she edged her face closer to the opening, resting her weight on her arm.

One point five seconds later, she remembered that she had injured an arm earlier that day.

One point eight seconds later, she realized that said arm was the one she had just put all her weight on.

Two seconds later, the abused arm gave out.

Three seconds later, she was welcomed into the showers with a symphony of shrieks.

Nine seconds later, she was up and running.

Her arrival in paradise was a sorrowfully short one. She would review her memories later. Now, she needed to escape. Her only objective left was to find another entrance into the air ducts and she would be home free.

_~S~_

"Don't look so morose, Miyamoto-san. It was kind of fun, don't you think?" Sae grinned, unperturbed by the food that stained her clothes previously pristine white uniform. The whole event had been incredibly diverting in her opinion.

One row away and in a similarly dirty state, Shizuku sighed and rubbed her forehead, grimacing in disgusted annoyance when her hand was met with half stale frosting. "You have a strange idea of fun, Inori-san."

The short laugh she received in response was amplified in the small, quiet locker room. There were many perks to being in the student council, but a private shower room was unanimously considered the best.

"I think our dear president enjoyed it more than anyone else, though that middle schooler Shizuma, no Kuga, I think, was rather energetic."

Oh yes. Hitsugi had most certainly relished the fiasco. Her position as the school's leader may have disallowed her from fully participating, but did nothing to prevent her from throwing fruit that threatened her person back at an offender with devastating accuracy. She'd counted eight students taken out of the food fight at her partner's hand. Twelve if you count the people taken out by the victims falling onto them from the tables.

...Not counting Tatewaki. She was still trying to figure out what had happened there, but Hitsugi's smug grin and celebratory cheer left little question as to whom the culprit was.

"Yes well. As her excitement made her so willing to deal with the aftermath as well, I am not going to complain."

Throwing her clothes in her locker for later cleaning (burning), she forcefully closed it, then set her towel firmly in place and headed for the shower. She really, _really _wanted to wash herself off now.

The other locker slammed, and she heard the soft slap of bare feet following her. It was a large amount of noise for Inori, and she couldn't help but look back at her fellow earth sword.

Sae caught her glance and held up her hair with a deceptively happy smile. "Something clumped up in my hair."

Shizuku let out a sympathetic "ah" and held the door open for her.

"What a gentleman."

She tried not to feel offended.

It was forgotten soon enough. She'd had a long day, and the hot water rejuvenated her soul. The tension drained from her body while her mind went blank. _Finally _she could relax. The only thing that could possibly be better than a hot shower at this moment was a hot bath. Sadly, the only ones located on campus are the student and staff baths in the dorms. No matter how heavenly a bath sounded, she had no desire to brave _those _areas today.

"Do you hear something?"

"Eh?" Shizuku shook her head to clear out the water from her ears and moved closer to stall next to hers. Now that she was out from massaging stream of water, she did hear some strange thumping. Was there a problem with the plumbing?

"It's getting closer."

So it was. In fact, it was almost right on top of her. She looked up in confusion. Weren't there air vents in this area?

Before either girl could blink, the ceiling above her collapsed, a _person _falling with the debri.

Shizuku didn't stop to think, allowing her reflexes to take charge and shove her brain in a corner. Grabbing hold of the intruder mid fall, she moved to toss her over the stall door.

She spun.

Her foot slipped.

"Huh?"

They crashed through the door with simultaneous yelps of pain and surprise. The panel bounced out of the shower after them, clipping her back and head. Distantly, she heard Sae's door slam.

"-san... Miya… _Shizuku_."

Awareness came slowly. Strange. She didn't remember closing her eyes. Blinking, she met Sae's amused gaze.

"You're a pretty sight to wake up to."

Both of the other girl's eyebrows flew up, and laughter tinted her eyes. "Why, thank you. I was going to ask if you were alright, but I'm pretty sure you aren't."

Wait. She had said that out loud? Why had she said that out loud? And why was she on the… Right. She rolled onto her back and sat up, almost falling back from the headrush when an arm wrapped around her shoulders to steady her. She mumbled a thanks and took a few breaths, leaning heavily on the shoulder provided, cursing the steam that made it harder to concentrate and hoping her stomach would hold its contents. Her head pounded from hitting the floor and ceiling panel. The same ceiling panel had done a number on her back as well. The throbbing and stiffness in her ankle assured her that it was at least sprained, and her shoulder was aching.

She was not looking forward to explaining how she got so injured to Hitsugi.

"Who in the world fell on me?!" she demanded once she could see straight, then regretted because her voice echoed in the shower room and made the pulsing in her head worse.

Sae, still supporting her, pointed at the floor. There a girl lay, outfitted in a stained black uniform with a tell tale star on her shoulder. She was face down, her long brown hair covering her face, but Shizuku had enough dealings with this student to know exactly who it was and make a good guess as to how she ended up falling into the student council's showers.

"Ah." Neither spoke for a moment, instead staring at each other as everything registered.

_Everything_.

"Inori-san." she squeaked. "We should get some towels."

She saw something amazing then. A sight she never thought she would witness in her lifetime. Right then, Inori Sae well and truly blushed from pure embarrassment.

"...Right. On it."

_**Don't hate me, but I've actually had this thing written for nearly a year, and totally forgot that I had it. I post it now for your amusement. I hope you had as much fun reading as I did writing~**_


End file.
